Excerpt from the Prologue of Let It Be Real
No one in the small Northwest Tennessee city of Fairhaven could believe that such tragedy of rape
apparent rape and murder could enter its borders, yet it had! The chilly hand of Death had slowly choked the life from the fragile body of Frederick Perry one Saturday evening. His bed had become his “cooning board” and his sheets became
his “winding sheets” as he was ironically discovered lying peacefully in bed with his eyes open and his mouth slightly ajar as if his last words had been:
“Why?”
Now, many within the area had come to pay last respects to an icon of the community. Frederick was to Fairhaven
as any pillar was to any society.
A young and vivaciously attractive small framed man; it was evident that Frederickhad been overpowered in his tiny apartment that yielded his tragic death. He was by all means the town “fag,” “sissy,” or “punk.” He had accepted his identity and embraced himself in comfort, solace, and nurturing when no one else would. Thus, he was considered “weird,” “strange,” or “different” by the people from his hometown and neighboring communities. Frederick met no strangers as he befriended everyone that he met. This further complicated his murder. His entourage of friends was left prostrate with grief on discovering his remains the evening he was scheduled to perform in his first pageant as a drag queen.
As the hand of time closes a chapter on one episode, it opens a new chapter on yet another. Saddened by the death of their friend, Melvin, Bradley, Desmond, Douglas, Xavier, and Howard listened to Reverend William Barnes deliver a very profound eulogy. None of them could believe that death would enter their entourage of friends yet Death had forged its cold hand upon Frederick which forced them to rely upon friendship as grief encompassed the group.
Melvin sat stoically and began to tune everything and everyone out as he began to reflect upon his own existence. To him, this day was unimaginable. He was not yet thirty and was burying a person who had, through time, become a friend. He thought about how both he and Frederick were small, petite, caramel colored men who had chosen two very different paths. Melvin never found a great need to wave a rainbow flag or run down the street proclaiming his sexual orientation to the world. Frederick, on the other hand, did not mind letting you know exactly where he stood. He was indeed gay. Both men were industrious. Although Frederick had worked for a local nursing home as a Certified Nurse’s Assistant, he had lived a full life without pretense. His life was totally different from Melvin’s. Melvin felt that he himself had finally “arrived” as he had now taken his position among the elite members of Fairhaven’s African American Society. Melvin had, by southern standards, done the admirable thing. He graduated college and shared his wisdom and knowledge in the city of his birth thus making Fairhavena more modern element of social well being. Although he was a homosexual man living within the
rural south, he, unlike Frederick, did not mention his sexuality to anyone except his close circle of friends. Often, this annoyed Frederick.Frederick felt that Melvin lived a lie and thus had bound himself in a prison built by no
one other than himself.
Bradley, who had been deemed the group whore, had tone down considerably after a series of events and adventures in Atlanta, Georgia and abroad. Still a towering, well defined, muscular young man, wisdom gained through years of experience could be seen clearly in his eyes. He was indeed a worldly man, which taught him to be practical. Practicality, however, he could not conceptualize the justification of Frederick’s murder. Bradley had tolerated Frederick and Frederick’s
shenanigans on the strength of association and friendship. Bradley was handsome and had the looks of an average straight African American man. He prided the fact that those who pursued him were actually in pursuit of their own personality. Hence, Frederickoften posed himself as an offense to the methods in which Bradley could and did acquire his “trade.” However, Bradley repeatedly ignored the fact that he disliked Frederick’s“beat out” face, arched eyebrows, filled and painted finger nails that had been manicured at the local manicurist, or his supposed unisex clothing that had actually been bought from a women’s petite section from any women’s clothing store.
Desmond and Douglas, the two college drop outs, were now successful business men in three West Tennessee cities. Douglas has begun to bald slightly in the top of his head as years of laborious work had finally begun to settle on him. Desmond, on the other hand, yo-yoed in size due to continual moments of depression brought on by the new order of world vanity. Desmond’s body was not chiseled like Bradley’s nor was he small framed like Melvin or Frederick. He was tall, big boned, full figured, and pudgy in all of the wrong places. The new American look required one to have muscles rippling off of more muscles. Desmond did not possess this. Although Douglas constantly declared his adoring love for Desmond, nothing could suppress Desmond’s fear of not being accepted by society because of his weight and size. Everyone thanked God that Douglas was in Desmond’s life during the tragedy of Frederick’s death. Pound cakes, homemade pies, fried foods of all kinds, cooked vegetables dripping in pork juice would certainly send Desmond’s newly discovered blood pressure sky high let alone tragic news. Yet, when Desmond went on an eating spree, only he could manage to stop himself from the rage. Desmond had always accepted Frederick for the unique individual that Frederick was. He never thought of Fredericka s
being nothing more or less than another human being who was attempting to cope with life in any manner in which he could. Douglas understood Frederick’s harsh life, hence, he could not judge it, ridicule it, or make fun of it. Although Douglas had chosen a completely different life than Frederickhad chosen which led him to success, he never felt that Frederick was beneath him because of the path chosen.
Xavier, the high yellow, high cheek bone, wavy hair, Creole vixen from Baton Rouge had become a gospel recording artist. Xavier’s music had gone double platinum twice within a period of three years after his graduation from college. He had begged Frederickon several occasions to leave Dyer County and at least tour with him in order to see more of the world than West Tennessee. Frederick declined because he had no love for airplanes or trains. Xavier refused to ride the Greyhound bus anywhere. Long gone were the days where he had to travel on any type of bus in order to get to a performance. He refused to revert back to that mode of transportation for anyone. Nevertheless, Xavier was always fond of Frederick because they both possessed unparallel skill in “cussing a mug out!” Often, when Xavier wanted true encouragement, he would call Frederick. Seldom could people understand Xavier’s apprehensions in life but Frederick did. Frederick would always give Xavier a good “cussing” out and then end the conversation with "Now that I’ve given you your normal cussing out, I want you to know that I still love you, child! You have no reason to be upset! You have everything that any gay man could want. You have a career, a beautiful home, and most importantly… a wonderful man. It ain’t often that a black gay man can get all of those things without a hell of a lot of sacrifice and problems to accompany them. You are
human! Since you are human, honey, you will bear just as many burdens and problems as everybody else. So, welcome to the world of being human, honey. Now get the hell off my phone!”
Howard, the first love of Frederick, would not smile his gorgeous smile again for six months after the discovery of Frederick’s corpse. A man normally full of laughter had been stripped of it in one moment. He had loved Frederickbeyond their break-p and beyond death. Unfortunately, he was young and unwise. His youth would not allow him to be ready and willing to commit to a monogamous relationship until it was too late. Frederickhad been everything that Howard liked in a man. Frederick was feminine, petite, and shapely. Those elements in a man always immensely turned Howard on. Howard loved sex and could not limit himself to one partner yet Frederick wanted monogamy. Because of Howard’s lust for many men, when the time presented itself and he was finally ready to settle down to one individual, it was too late. This fact became his cross to bear such that he refused to ever date another man that even remotely reminded him of Frederick.
William, a tall, dark, slender man was indeed attractive. When he smiled it seemed as if sunshine spread across the land. After graduating Vanderbilt University’s School of theology, he had become a very celebrated minister in Memphis, Tennessee, known for the dutiful work his congregation did within the community. William first became pastor of a traditional African American Baptist church in Memphis, Tennessee. After years of battles with his congregation, the congregation bordered splitting. Unbroken, however, William continued with the vision that God had given him. Straying away from the Baptist doctrine, he resigned as pastor of the Baptist church and founded his own nondenominational congregation…The Universal Morning Star Nondenominational Church. It was a first of its kind in Memphis. A church that was all affirming. His
new congregation began with less than thirty members but rapidly grew. Hence the congregation was forced to relocate thrice within four years until a decision to build a new edifice was made. The church bought and secured four acres of land.
On this land a sanctuary was erected and could seat twelve thousand comfortably. The church was built in the center of all of the other buildings that were owned by it. An HIV/AIDS hospice that could house two hundred was erected on the
northern corner of the site. A shelter that could house at least forty homeless families was erected on the southern corner of the site. An educational facility was erected on the western corner of the site and a concert hall was erected on
the eastern corner of the site. The catch phrase of the church was: A morning star in the time of despair- a place to be free from earth's hurtful wear."
A totally non-traditional congregation, Morning Star welcomed recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, dope dealers, homosexuals, transgendered, and countless other people within society that society had deemed “misfits.” The church, under William’s leadership became internationally known for its work within the community. After buying the property and building cites, the church employed its own members to work within the infrastructure. The over-all mission of the church far exceeded William’s original vision. He was elated when several of his associate ministers left Morning Star and established their own congregations in other cities using the same methods of the mother church. Hence, it was known throughout West Tennessee and abroad that The Universal Morning Star Nondenominational Church was the safe haven for anyone who hurt.
Melvin’s mind continuously flooded with scenes throughout the course of the recent past. He thought about walking into Frederick’s apartment on that dreadful evening. The memories choked the words that came from William’s mouth out of his ears. The picture was too vivid.
They knocked on Frederick’s apartment door.
No answer.
They beat on the door for five solid minutes.
No answer.
“Fuck this,” Howard said as he turned the doorknob.
To his amazement, the door was not locked.
The three entered the apartment cautiously.
“Frederick,” Melvin called out into the hollow apartment.
Still there was no answer.
Howard investigated the kitchen.
Bradley walked into the bedroom.
Melvin glanced around the room. He saw the dresses were hung neatly on hooks that had been recently installed on the walls. On top of the sofa were hatboxes that had been neatly stacked beside shoeboxes. Assortments of purses were piled high in a corner chair. Three caddies bearing make-up, brushes, and an assortment of facial products lay on the coffee table on the front living room sofa.
“He’s dead,” Bradley said. “Don’t touch a thing. Call 911.”
Melvin motioned to call the number when Bradley abruptly hung the telephone up.
“What the hell are you doing?”Melvin asked as his eyes began to water.
“We’ve got to get this shit out of here before the paramedics get here, Melvin,” Bradley said as he eyed the room.
“Have you been smoking that shit, Bradley?” Melvin sobbed. “He needs help! What do you think, Howard?”
Howard could say nothing as he began to wail pathetically.
“Close the goddamned bedroom door, Howard,” Bradley instructed as he shoved Howard onto the sofa causing one of the boxes of shoes to fall to the floor. Bradley closed the bedroom door without looking inside at Frederick.
“We have to call the police, Bradley,” Melvin whined.
“We are going to call the police after we get this shit out of here, Melvin,” Bradley said as he grabbed Melvin firmly by the shoulders and looked into Melvin’s eyes. “I know he was murdered and it was in a terrible way at that but Frederick deserves a police investigation. If the paramedics and police comes into this place with all of these damned gowns and shit all over the place they will say that it is just another faggot who got himself into trouble.”
Melvin remained silent. Howard held his head in his hands as his weeping began to slowly subside.
“I know Frederick was out and all but we have to think about our place in this small assed town,” Bradley
continued. “You work at a bank, for goodness sake, Melvin! Do you think that once the scandal of it all hits the town then Frederick will get some glorious funeral? Hell, no! Everyone will say that he got just what he deserves and I am not standing
for it! Get those damned dresses and put them in the car this instant!”
“But…” Melvin attempted.
“But my ass,” Bradley grumbled. “Get the shit and hurry up! It’s still dark enough where no one can see our coming and going. Thank God he chose an apartment that did not have easy visible access or we would be fucked! Howard, get the hell up and get those shoes and anything that has to do with the pageant and go and put it in the car. When we finish, you drive Melvin’s car to his house and put it in the garage. Get my car, drive it back over here and pick us up when all of this is
over.”
An hour later, when everything had been removed including Frederick’s extensive video pornography collection, pornographic magazines, and multiple dildos, Melvin was allowed to telephone 911. Howard had driven Melvin’s car back home and had come back in Bradley’s car as instructed.
Twenty minutes after the telephone call to 911, the police and paramedics arrived. Melvin noticed the look on the paramedics faces after they pronounced Frederickdead. Melvin almost snapped when he realized the look was not a look of sorrow or sympathy but instead it was a look of utter disgust for the life and life style of the individual. The police were no less sympathetic. Melvin, Howard, and Bradley were all escorted to the police station for questioning. They were, however,
released immediately.
William took the podium and waited for the congregation to settle down after Xavier had finished singing his rendition of Move On Up A Little Higher.
He then began his eulogy:
This is a very hard task, which is before me today. Nevertheless, I will begin by saying that Frederick is in the hands of a just God. I'm so glad that we don't have a heaven or a hell to put him in. There is but one thing that I am totally aware of and most certain of: The most important thing in this life is that we have a personal relationship with our Maker.
apparent rape and murder could enter its borders, yet it had! The chilly hand of Death had slowly choked the life from the fragile body of Frederick Perry one Saturday evening. His bed had become his “cooning board” and his sheets became
his “winding sheets” as he was ironically discovered lying peacefully in bed with his eyes open and his mouth slightly ajar as if his last words had been:
“Why?”
Now, many within the area had come to pay last respects to an icon of the community. Frederick was to Fairhaven
as any pillar was to any society.
A young and vivaciously attractive small framed man; it was evident that Frederickhad been overpowered in his tiny apartment that yielded his tragic death. He was by all means the town “fag,” “sissy,” or “punk.” He had accepted his identity and embraced himself in comfort, solace, and nurturing when no one else would. Thus, he was considered “weird,” “strange,” or “different” by the people from his hometown and neighboring communities. Frederick met no strangers as he befriended everyone that he met. This further complicated his murder. His entourage of friends was left prostrate with grief on discovering his remains the evening he was scheduled to perform in his first pageant as a drag queen.
As the hand of time closes a chapter on one episode, it opens a new chapter on yet another. Saddened by the death of their friend, Melvin, Bradley, Desmond, Douglas, Xavier, and Howard listened to Reverend William Barnes deliver a very profound eulogy. None of them could believe that death would enter their entourage of friends yet Death had forged its cold hand upon Frederick which forced them to rely upon friendship as grief encompassed the group.
Melvin sat stoically and began to tune everything and everyone out as he began to reflect upon his own existence. To him, this day was unimaginable. He was not yet thirty and was burying a person who had, through time, become a friend. He thought about how both he and Frederick were small, petite, caramel colored men who had chosen two very different paths. Melvin never found a great need to wave a rainbow flag or run down the street proclaiming his sexual orientation to the world. Frederick, on the other hand, did not mind letting you know exactly where he stood. He was indeed gay. Both men were industrious. Although Frederick had worked for a local nursing home as a Certified Nurse’s Assistant, he had lived a full life without pretense. His life was totally different from Melvin’s. Melvin felt that he himself had finally “arrived” as he had now taken his position among the elite members of Fairhaven’s African American Society. Melvin had, by southern standards, done the admirable thing. He graduated college and shared his wisdom and knowledge in the city of his birth thus making Fairhavena more modern element of social well being. Although he was a homosexual man living within the
rural south, he, unlike Frederick, did not mention his sexuality to anyone except his close circle of friends. Often, this annoyed Frederick.Frederick felt that Melvin lived a lie and thus had bound himself in a prison built by no
one other than himself.
Bradley, who had been deemed the group whore, had tone down considerably after a series of events and adventures in Atlanta, Georgia and abroad. Still a towering, well defined, muscular young man, wisdom gained through years of experience could be seen clearly in his eyes. He was indeed a worldly man, which taught him to be practical. Practicality, however, he could not conceptualize the justification of Frederick’s murder. Bradley had tolerated Frederick and Frederick’s
shenanigans on the strength of association and friendship. Bradley was handsome and had the looks of an average straight African American man. He prided the fact that those who pursued him were actually in pursuit of their own personality. Hence, Frederickoften posed himself as an offense to the methods in which Bradley could and did acquire his “trade.” However, Bradley repeatedly ignored the fact that he disliked Frederick’s“beat out” face, arched eyebrows, filled and painted finger nails that had been manicured at the local manicurist, or his supposed unisex clothing that had actually been bought from a women’s petite section from any women’s clothing store.
Desmond and Douglas, the two college drop outs, were now successful business men in three West Tennessee cities. Douglas has begun to bald slightly in the top of his head as years of laborious work had finally begun to settle on him. Desmond, on the other hand, yo-yoed in size due to continual moments of depression brought on by the new order of world vanity. Desmond’s body was not chiseled like Bradley’s nor was he small framed like Melvin or Frederick. He was tall, big boned, full figured, and pudgy in all of the wrong places. The new American look required one to have muscles rippling off of more muscles. Desmond did not possess this. Although Douglas constantly declared his adoring love for Desmond, nothing could suppress Desmond’s fear of not being accepted by society because of his weight and size. Everyone thanked God that Douglas was in Desmond’s life during the tragedy of Frederick’s death. Pound cakes, homemade pies, fried foods of all kinds, cooked vegetables dripping in pork juice would certainly send Desmond’s newly discovered blood pressure sky high let alone tragic news. Yet, when Desmond went on an eating spree, only he could manage to stop himself from the rage. Desmond had always accepted Frederick for the unique individual that Frederick was. He never thought of Fredericka s
being nothing more or less than another human being who was attempting to cope with life in any manner in which he could. Douglas understood Frederick’s harsh life, hence, he could not judge it, ridicule it, or make fun of it. Although Douglas had chosen a completely different life than Frederickhad chosen which led him to success, he never felt that Frederick was beneath him because of the path chosen.
Xavier, the high yellow, high cheek bone, wavy hair, Creole vixen from Baton Rouge had become a gospel recording artist. Xavier’s music had gone double platinum twice within a period of three years after his graduation from college. He had begged Frederickon several occasions to leave Dyer County and at least tour with him in order to see more of the world than West Tennessee. Frederick declined because he had no love for airplanes or trains. Xavier refused to ride the Greyhound bus anywhere. Long gone were the days where he had to travel on any type of bus in order to get to a performance. He refused to revert back to that mode of transportation for anyone. Nevertheless, Xavier was always fond of Frederick because they both possessed unparallel skill in “cussing a mug out!” Often, when Xavier wanted true encouragement, he would call Frederick. Seldom could people understand Xavier’s apprehensions in life but Frederick did. Frederick would always give Xavier a good “cussing” out and then end the conversation with "Now that I’ve given you your normal cussing out, I want you to know that I still love you, child! You have no reason to be upset! You have everything that any gay man could want. You have a career, a beautiful home, and most importantly… a wonderful man. It ain’t often that a black gay man can get all of those things without a hell of a lot of sacrifice and problems to accompany them. You are
human! Since you are human, honey, you will bear just as many burdens and problems as everybody else. So, welcome to the world of being human, honey. Now get the hell off my phone!”
Howard, the first love of Frederick, would not smile his gorgeous smile again for six months after the discovery of Frederick’s corpse. A man normally full of laughter had been stripped of it in one moment. He had loved Frederickbeyond their break-p and beyond death. Unfortunately, he was young and unwise. His youth would not allow him to be ready and willing to commit to a monogamous relationship until it was too late. Frederickhad been everything that Howard liked in a man. Frederick was feminine, petite, and shapely. Those elements in a man always immensely turned Howard on. Howard loved sex and could not limit himself to one partner yet Frederick wanted monogamy. Because of Howard’s lust for many men, when the time presented itself and he was finally ready to settle down to one individual, it was too late. This fact became his cross to bear such that he refused to ever date another man that even remotely reminded him of Frederick.
William, a tall, dark, slender man was indeed attractive. When he smiled it seemed as if sunshine spread across the land. After graduating Vanderbilt University’s School of theology, he had become a very celebrated minister in Memphis, Tennessee, known for the dutiful work his congregation did within the community. William first became pastor of a traditional African American Baptist church in Memphis, Tennessee. After years of battles with his congregation, the congregation bordered splitting. Unbroken, however, William continued with the vision that God had given him. Straying away from the Baptist doctrine, he resigned as pastor of the Baptist church and founded his own nondenominational congregation…The Universal Morning Star Nondenominational Church. It was a first of its kind in Memphis. A church that was all affirming. His
new congregation began with less than thirty members but rapidly grew. Hence the congregation was forced to relocate thrice within four years until a decision to build a new edifice was made. The church bought and secured four acres of land.
On this land a sanctuary was erected and could seat twelve thousand comfortably. The church was built in the center of all of the other buildings that were owned by it. An HIV/AIDS hospice that could house two hundred was erected on the
northern corner of the site. A shelter that could house at least forty homeless families was erected on the southern corner of the site. An educational facility was erected on the western corner of the site and a concert hall was erected on
the eastern corner of the site. The catch phrase of the church was: A morning star in the time of despair- a place to be free from earth's hurtful wear."
A totally non-traditional congregation, Morning Star welcomed recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, dope dealers, homosexuals, transgendered, and countless other people within society that society had deemed “misfits.” The church, under William’s leadership became internationally known for its work within the community. After buying the property and building cites, the church employed its own members to work within the infrastructure. The over-all mission of the church far exceeded William’s original vision. He was elated when several of his associate ministers left Morning Star and established their own congregations in other cities using the same methods of the mother church. Hence, it was known throughout West Tennessee and abroad that The Universal Morning Star Nondenominational Church was the safe haven for anyone who hurt.
Melvin’s mind continuously flooded with scenes throughout the course of the recent past. He thought about walking into Frederick’s apartment on that dreadful evening. The memories choked the words that came from William’s mouth out of his ears. The picture was too vivid.
They knocked on Frederick’s apartment door.
No answer.
They beat on the door for five solid minutes.
No answer.
“Fuck this,” Howard said as he turned the doorknob.
To his amazement, the door was not locked.
The three entered the apartment cautiously.
“Frederick,” Melvin called out into the hollow apartment.
Still there was no answer.
Howard investigated the kitchen.
Bradley walked into the bedroom.
Melvin glanced around the room. He saw the dresses were hung neatly on hooks that had been recently installed on the walls. On top of the sofa were hatboxes that had been neatly stacked beside shoeboxes. Assortments of purses were piled high in a corner chair. Three caddies bearing make-up, brushes, and an assortment of facial products lay on the coffee table on the front living room sofa.
“He’s dead,” Bradley said. “Don’t touch a thing. Call 911.”
Melvin motioned to call the number when Bradley abruptly hung the telephone up.
“What the hell are you doing?”Melvin asked as his eyes began to water.
“We’ve got to get this shit out of here before the paramedics get here, Melvin,” Bradley said as he eyed the room.
“Have you been smoking that shit, Bradley?” Melvin sobbed. “He needs help! What do you think, Howard?”
Howard could say nothing as he began to wail pathetically.
“Close the goddamned bedroom door, Howard,” Bradley instructed as he shoved Howard onto the sofa causing one of the boxes of shoes to fall to the floor. Bradley closed the bedroom door without looking inside at Frederick.
“We have to call the police, Bradley,” Melvin whined.
“We are going to call the police after we get this shit out of here, Melvin,” Bradley said as he grabbed Melvin firmly by the shoulders and looked into Melvin’s eyes. “I know he was murdered and it was in a terrible way at that but Frederick deserves a police investigation. If the paramedics and police comes into this place with all of these damned gowns and shit all over the place they will say that it is just another faggot who got himself into trouble.”
Melvin remained silent. Howard held his head in his hands as his weeping began to slowly subside.
“I know Frederick was out and all but we have to think about our place in this small assed town,” Bradley
continued. “You work at a bank, for goodness sake, Melvin! Do you think that once the scandal of it all hits the town then Frederick will get some glorious funeral? Hell, no! Everyone will say that he got just what he deserves and I am not standing
for it! Get those damned dresses and put them in the car this instant!”
“But…” Melvin attempted.
“But my ass,” Bradley grumbled. “Get the shit and hurry up! It’s still dark enough where no one can see our coming and going. Thank God he chose an apartment that did not have easy visible access or we would be fucked! Howard, get the hell up and get those shoes and anything that has to do with the pageant and go and put it in the car. When we finish, you drive Melvin’s car to his house and put it in the garage. Get my car, drive it back over here and pick us up when all of this is
over.”
An hour later, when everything had been removed including Frederick’s extensive video pornography collection, pornographic magazines, and multiple dildos, Melvin was allowed to telephone 911. Howard had driven Melvin’s car back home and had come back in Bradley’s car as instructed.
Twenty minutes after the telephone call to 911, the police and paramedics arrived. Melvin noticed the look on the paramedics faces after they pronounced Frederickdead. Melvin almost snapped when he realized the look was not a look of sorrow or sympathy but instead it was a look of utter disgust for the life and life style of the individual. The police were no less sympathetic. Melvin, Howard, and Bradley were all escorted to the police station for questioning. They were, however,
released immediately.
William took the podium and waited for the congregation to settle down after Xavier had finished singing his rendition of Move On Up A Little Higher.
He then began his eulogy:
This is a very hard task, which is before me today. Nevertheless, I will begin by saying that Frederick is in the hands of a just God. I'm so glad that we don't have a heaven or a hell to put him in. There is but one thing that I am totally aware of and most certain of: The most important thing in this life is that we have a personal relationship with our Maker.